Kal Ho Naa Ho
What a beautiful day in New York!!!! We see the leading actress (Naina) jogging around the city for a good 5 minutes (i would be dead on the ground seeking for air after 1 minute and 13 seconds). There is a scene where she run in the middle of the road with cars beside her like HELLOO???
When she gets tired of running, we see flashbacks of her deceased dad. Already one dead person, yep welcome to a bollywood movie where 99% of the cast either is dead or it will be!
We see the mom Jennifer, she’s struggling keeping her business up, poor girl.
Of course it is not a Bollywood movie if there isn’t an evil grandma (Lajo) with her gang who is trying to set up Naina with the first Punjabi that comes around. Lajo and the gang sing almost as bad as me. Which shows how shit they are!
Siblings are introduced:
The brother who in 3 hours of the movie has a screen time of around 13 seconds more or less so i won’t even talk about him, legit took more time to make this phrase than his contribution to the movie!!
The “sister” Gia who, oh boy, will suffer like a mf for the whole movie. Legit if there was a second movie i would totally understand if Gia wakes up one day and chooses violence killing everyone. Suffering starts right away, where the main villain of the movie Lajo starts bullying her because she’s adopted.
Fast forward we meet some classmates of Naina, the most important one is his best friend Rohit. He’s introduced lowkey as a fuckboy but the plot can be seen from a mile away without my glasses (i am fucking blind) he likes Naina but it’s too early so we will bear his role as a fuckboy who fails miserably and actually a great great best friend.
Fast forward we discover that Naina’s dad committed suicide because why not let’s just keep the viewers suffering. I swear the holy trinity here (Suicide, Incurable Disease, and Heartbroken). Anyway, the main villain Lajo guilt trip Jennifer saying it’s her fault.
Everyone is crying, the movie is just being dark and dark, we need a hero, we need a bright light, we need an Angel. Yes, Shah Rukh Khan is introduced like an angel sent by Jesus Christ. Like at this point, we start a cult no? The ShahRukhKahnism or some shi!!!
He is the neighbor, and the crowd goes wild!!
The next day he does what everyone wanted to do, tell Lajo and the gang to shut the fuck up and stop singing. We love him already!!!! From all the yelling on the window appear Naina who crosses eyes with our hero Aman and the main theme comebacks hinting at a love story!!!! Who would have thought!
Naina comes outside and the first song starts which is none other than the cover of Pretty Woman because WHY NOT!!!
He starts joking around as he always does and clearly Naina is annoyed at him. On top of that he invited himself to dinner. NIDA I AM TELLING YOU HE IS NOT A NICE GUY.
Naina invites his best friend Rohit. And here we also meet my favourite character. I don’t remember the name but you know who i am talking about babe!!!! They accidentally swap houses so Rohit is currently on a side quest (blind date).
At the end of the night Naina and Aman share their first lone moment and he says “Live, be happy, smile. Who knows tomorrow may never come”. Yep, i should have gotten the hint here but i was completely clueless!
Another day another suffering, Naina and Aman still fight every second and to not lose to him, Naina admits Rohit is her boyfriend (Hint number two that i completely missed on Aman mastermind plan).
Poor guy Rohit is the happiest person alive to even go on a fake date with Naina.
The second song starts in the club which is a straight banger. Naina is too wasted and they all go home….. That’s what i thought instead we saw a bromance borderline gay couple between Aman and Rohit, they spoon and cuddle, WE LOVE IT!!!
Angel Aman, knowing that the restaurant needs to shut down in 2 months with just a motivational speech and no concrete ideas help the fam to make the greatest comeback of the century.
Naina starts falling in love with Aman and lowkey me too at this point. She’s all giggly and stops wearing glasses! At the same time Rohit asks Aman for help on how to declare love to Naina. The love triangle is peaking here!
Naina goes to Aman house to declare her love to him, BOOM plot twist Aman is married to Priya! Naina loses her mind and she run awaaaaaay!!! BOOM another plot twist Aman is sick and he is going to die soon and she loves Naina, but he does not want to burden Naina with his death.
Rohit and Naina go out and once again, Rohit has been clowned by Naina. Dude is a cutie patotie and no one sees it. Actually we all see it only Naina does not see it. I THINK SHE NEEDS THE GLASSES BACK SHE BLINDDDDD
So blind that aman mastermind plan is set. They have 6 days to make Naina fall in love with Rohit. Will they make it? Will they achieve their objective? Just give me literally 30 seconds and i tell you bro calm down!!
YES THEY DID!!! BOOM PLOT TWIST Naina overheard them talking about the mastermind plan, she pissed pissed and storms out. Everyone is crying, Aman takes his little journal and delivers one of the most loving speech ever. BUT OF COURSE he deflected that to Rohit.
Naina understands that Rohit loves her and they get engaged. Meanwhile the main villain Lajo discovers the truth about Gia and she asks for forgiveness (HELL NAH BITCH).
Fast forward, BOOM plot twist Naina meets Priya and his real husband discovering that Aman is sick and lied to protect her. Half dead Aman meets Naina on the bridge and they have one of the most beautiful moments of the whole movie (mystery how Aman went across half the city in that condition, power of love i guess). They meet Aman in his last moments, breaking everyone's hearts (especially mine).
The end
Best Character: Don’t know his name but you know who i am talking about
Rating: 4.3 out of 5!!
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Viewers (only nida actually not sure why i am using plural like a celebrity with thousands of people reading this) guess how the movie starts? Did we not learn anything from my previous review? Yep, the movie starts with someone dying. You know, to lighten up a lil the atmosphere!
The movie starts with the following quote, the key theme of the movie “Rahul, will you be my friend?”.
We are in the hospital, Rahul and his wife just got a baby. Everyone is full of happiness and health. Well, can’t we have that can we? BOOM PLOT TWIST, apparently the wife who was holding the baby and chilling actually was having an internal bleeding leading to her death (i ain’t a doctor even though for some reason when my mom has even the smallest of pain comes to me like i’ve done 20 years of med school. Anyway this does not make much sense!!).
It is revealed that she knew she would die if they would get a child. Kinda have to take a deep breath here before getting too pissed. How did they not talk about this beforehand and why having a child is more important than the love of your life? I don’t know who is the director of this movie but I might DM him/her for some constructive criticisms.
The wife (mind with a full internal bleeding going on) leaves some letters to her daughter and part ways with Rahul with one last promise: name the daughter Anjali (uuuuuh).
Fast forward a lil, Anjali is almost 8 years old and Rahul is full on single dad life.
They go to the school recite to support Anjali. Each kid has a random word and they need to yap about it. When I was a kid we had theater plays. In one I played a goddamn tree. Literally had to stay still for 2 hours.
Anyway, she received the word “Mother” and she started having panic attacks. I mean she does not know anything about her mother. It’s insane that the teacher stood for so long with the girl having a panic attack and crying and did nothing. So our hero has to intervene, giving the speech of the year and shitting on all the other children's performances. Hope he won the award and ragebaited all the kids in front of their parents (that’s what i would do).
The same night, we see Rahul playing basketball and the mom telling that he should re marry (I noticed now that he plays basketball in the house because he misses Anjali).
Anajli read the letter which describes the highschool story of Rahul, Anjali and Tina.
Rahul and Anjali are best friends and they always compete in a 1v1 on basketball. Bro this scene is something else the way they play it’s like they never touched a ball in their existence!!!
They always fight and pick on each other but that’s textbook 101 on how things start before becoming THE LOVE.
The first song is straight banger and so cute, basically saying to each other that they are crazy but they are just being themselves (re-listening to it makes me think about you actually!).
A new girl appears, it's Tina, the principal’s daughter. She bumps into Rahul and the first word he says to her is “i love you”. Bro is speedrunning bases faster than us!!
The next like 1 hour is basically Rahul trying in every way possible to harass this girl to get her to like him.
Of course we need to talk about the best quote of this movie “love is friendship”. Not gonna lie when you started calling me bestie I was like shiiiiiit that’s it i’am done, but looking at this movie i love that now actually!!!
Anyway, he says this and then proceeds to treat his best friend Anjali terribly for the whole movie. LIKE NIDA HOW MANY PROOFS DO YOU NEED!!!!
After 1 hour of harassment, Tina starts liking Rahul back while Anjali also discovers loves for Rahul. I am getting tired of triangles dude. There are so many other cool shapes like idk heptagon. Anyway, the love triangle is peaking here!
So much that all three take part on the next song, the one in Scotland! Pinky promise we will go to all the locations and we photoshoots exactly like the song!
At the end of the song, Rahul and Tina are basically in a relationship. Anjali tries to embrace her feminine side. I am not going to lie, the choices of clothes are a bit questionable but it is so mean that Rahul and Tina laugh in her face. AGAIN HOW MUCH PROOF YOU NEED. She ran away and started crying, poor girl. Rahul and Tina chase her and make up for it. Tina realises here that Rahul and Anjali are meant to be together.
Anjali takes courage and meets Rahul to declare love, but of course it is never this easy in Bollywood. Rahul has the awesome idea to practise saying i love you to Tina with Anjali. THE GUY IS EVIL LMAOOOO. Anjali breaks down and chooses to leave high school and move out permanently. Rahul needs to 1+1 here but I guess he is not good at math because his answer would be 3 by the fact that he let her get on the train and just leave. I swear the movie is ragebaiting me at this point like I would do all the opposite.
Fast forward, we are at an engagement party and out of nowhere Salman Khan appears delivering a banger of a song!!! Turns out he’s soon to be married to Anjali.
Anjali Junior (i will call her like that from now on) with some divine power managed to delay the wedding with the objective to get Rahul and Anjali together. Can you imagine, the girl is full on applying nasr to Aman who did absolutely nothing wrong LMAO.
Anjali Junior runs away to a summer camp knowing she would find Anjali there (girl is 8 years old and she started travelling on her own god knows where like OKAY when i was 8 i was out there playing Pokemon in the garden).
Summer camp, the best part of the movie, Rahul and Anjali finally meet and deliver one of the best quotes of the movie and actually something i believe deeply “We live and die once, we get married once and we fall in love once”!!! There is only one soulmate out there for each of us.
Insane tension for 30 minutes between the two, dancing in the rain all so good and Anjali remembers just one small detail, like a very small one easily overlooked. SHE HAS A FIANCE LMAO.
At the end of summer camp, Anjali needs to go back but of course now she’s in love with Rahul. Rahul, until the end, does not reveal his true feelings and actually pushes her to marry Aman. IS HE OK IN THE HEAD HELLOOO????
Even at the wedding, Rahul says nothing. Anjali breaks up the wedding and ends up marrying Rahul. Aman, for some reason he is happy and even dances at their wedding. That does not make sense, i think Anjali junior other than nasr she made him drink some potion or some shit.
Kinda insane to think that half of the plot of the movie is Anjali Junior sabotaging everyone just to get two people together LMAO.
Anyway that’s all don’t smile too much or your sister and niece will ask you questions about the celebrity you’re texting to LOL
Rating: 3.7 out of 5!!
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